Becoming a mother has changed me.....

Becoming a mother changed me; I became a softer version of myself.  I learned more patience, my priorities shifted off myself and onto this other person.  I learned (okay maybe not learned but am working on) to not use curse words in my everyday life.  I was happy, I felt like I had found my purpose in life.  All the hard work I had put in, all the “right” decisions that I made were all worth it.

Being a mom of two has turned me into a completely different person, even more different than I was with one.   I have learned that both eating and sleeping are optional activities despite being told otherwise for the majority of my life.  I learned it is possible to hold two kids, while cooking dinner and cleaning the house.  But on a serious note, when I became a mom of two there was no more time for me.  My focus became entirely on my family.  My two sons and my husband.  I crave family time all the time.  During my commute, I think about activities for the weekend and wish my Monday through Thursday away just waiting for the weekend to hit and to spend time with my boys.

When I started blogging I started because I was frustrated with not being able to find a safe place to discuss my feelings with like-minded people.  Now I find myself in a new place, I do not share a mindset with the SAH mom’s nor do I share a mindset with the career focused working mothers nor the mothers who work out of necessity.  I shared before that my household does not need me to work that we could make ends meet on one income, however I want to work.  In recent months, however, my career just hasn’t been as important to me.  Yes, I want to do a good job at work when I am there but I want to maximize my time at home and minimize my time at work.  This is a complete shift from who I was as a person just a few months ago, let alone a few years ago.  I was so career driven, where has that gone.

I question is the shift a result of two children or a result of the growth of my children?  My older son is aware now.  He can (and will) parrot back anything that you say (yes its gotten me in trouble a few times), he has his own mind and recently started giving me a full recap of his day (normally starting with what he had for lunch).  My younger son is 4 months old he’s sitting unassisted and giggling at me daily.  He’s changing before my eyes and I don’t want to miss any changes or milestones.  Its so hard to leave that every morning. 

Does this shift have nothing to do with my family and more with my passion for my career?   I recently made a career switch that was driven by circumstance and not because I was unhappy.  However a big motivation for taking this job was the schedule and location which allow for more time with my children.  Which then circles me back to wanting to be with my kids.

I’ve noticed the same change in my husband as well.  While my husband is very focused still on building his career he also is looking for a shorter commute to increase his “family time.”  He shares in the same “Sunday night depression” that I find myself falling into every week.  He takes vacation days from work just to stay home with the kids.

I wonder is this just normal family evolution? Is this a stage that I will grow out of?  I still want to expand my family in the future how will my feelings change then?