Why is working becoming so hard?

I previously told the story of how I had to make the gut wrenching decision to go back to work early (See Cutting Maternity Leave Short). I struggled for quite some time with my decision to go back to work.  I’ve settled into a position with a shorter work week and therefore more time with the little ones but I can’t help but shaking this nagging feeling.  I know that in my life plan being a SAHM isn’t in it but somedays I wish there was such a thing as a SAHM leave or longer maternity leave in the US.  If I were in Europe I would still be home with my little ones.   I find myself watching the clock during the day thinking longingly about when its appropriate to leave and go home to my littles.  I was never like that before.  I would be caught up in my job, consequently leaving late and calling my child’s caregiver apologizing for being late… ooopps haha.

I’m so happy at home with our little family.  I feel like my relationship with my husband is at an all-time high (and that’s saying something since we’ve been together for almost 13 years).  My relationship with my boys is great.  My toddler is a ball of energy and you can just see the wheels turning in his head all the time.  Even my infant is at a point where he is getting interactive.  I’m smiling from ear to ear the second I walk in the door every day.   My infant has started sleeping 8 hours at night and even waking with him early in the morning for a feeding and some snuggle time seems like a blessing.  Once I step out the door each morning for work it seems that I am just pushing through until I can return home again.

I’m struggling with this departure in my personality.  Am I really that different of a person or is it simply as I grow my priorities change?  Everyone grows with each different life experience but I’ve had a child before, true this is my first time having two children but is that really changing me that much?  I’m inclined to think not.  However I cannot pin point where my departure in my personality is coming from.  I do not want to fix the problem, however I am struggling with how to cope with the problem.  Being away from your family is hard enough without the extra anxiety that I am feeling.  I wonder how many other mother’s share my feelings.  Is this a silent epidemic or am I the only one experiencing this phenomenon? 

I know working now will be better in the long run but right now it feels like the hard decision.  I guess for now I focus on loving my boys (all 3 of them) and know that it will all be worth it in the long run.

What is Too Much to Sacrifice to SAH?

Ok so its that horrible day at work.  You walk in late because you spent your morning dealing with on crisis after another only to look down and notice you have two different shoes on and baby spit up on your shoulder.  You go to the bathroom try to clean off the spit up with those awesome brown paper towels (you all know what I mean) and hope no one notices the mismatched shoes as you sneak into that meeting you are late for.  Hope you can get done your work quickly so you can leave on time to pick up you're older child from school before picking up the younger one from daycare.   How much easier would it be to just stay home and take care of your children?  Internally, you start running the numbers ok without childcare and if we cancel cable, get rid of one car, cut our food bill, stop going out to dinner it totally do able.

Maybe its just the parenting groups/message boards that I am apart of but more and more I'm seeing a trend where working mothers are trying to make the jump to staying at home.  While if you can responsibly stay at home, I say go for it not judgement here, however the advice being given to those women is downright irresponsible!!

Some of the advice I've seen recently is, to drain your savings and retirement accounts you can always save money later in life and you're kids will only be small once.  More advice is to sell your house or break a lease and move into a cheaper area (worse school districts and higher crime) because you being with your kids will balance it out.  Borrow money from family and friends, they'll understand and want to help.  Declare bankruptcy, move in with family, cancel cable internet ect. and sell a car.  Another poster said to re-enroll in school online to defer student loan payments and borrow a little "extra" for living expenses.

What are we teaching out children if these are the decisions we are making and advising others to make?  The message I'm receiving is to look to others to take care of you're responsibilities for you so you can do what you WANT.  Is it really responsible to put your child into an environment that you were not comfortable with to start with just because you want to stay at home.  I also want to raise the question what happens if there is an emergency and you have no savings?

What is the plan if something happens to the family to the remaining breadwinner?  With all that being said, if you can be a stay at home parent without negatively impacting your family go for it.  There is no right answer when it comes to raising your children other than teaching them to do the right thing and be a good person.  I'm afraid, however, for my children's generation, my generation is already notorious for huge amounts of credit card debt and people living beyond their means.  Education is being valued less and less.  My hope is that my children learn from these mistakes and don't make same mistakes of my generation.

SAH Mom Movement

The SAH (stay - at - home) parent vs working parent debate is a hot topic.  Everywhere you look there is some discussion about the merits of both lifestyle choices.  I belong to a large online community of mothers, many of which are SAH mothers and as a result of one of them posting the following link, I was presented with this news article.

http://6abc.com/family/stay-at-home-mom-wins-praise-from-blogger-husband/637468/

From this news story I searched the internet to find the blog post in question:
http://www.weareglory.com/blog/fathers-you-cant-afford-a-stay-at-home-mom

While I think it is awesome that there is a movement for husbands to appreciate their wives (and vice versa) I feel as though the SAH mom culture and mindset is somewhat offensive to us working mothers.

The author of this blog post writes the argument that the monetary value his SAH wife/mom brings to the family is around $70K.  He comments that aside from "nanny" duties for their child his wife performs the following additional jobs:

• house cleaning
• personal shopper
• chef
• financial assistant
• laundry service

I challenge the author with the question, who do you think completes these additional jobs in a household with two working parents?  The working parent must complete these tasks in addition to their corporate jobs often with a lot less free time.  I would argue that while the working parent may not hold the "nanny" role throughout the work week, the working parent must also act as the manager of their child's care while they are working.  Just as managers are important in the corporate setting, managing your child's care is just as important as physically watching your child.

As a working mother making over $50K a year in addition to "salary" proposed by the author of the weareglory blog post, the monetary value I bring to my family is well over $120K a year.  Anyone would agree that is a very substantial salary.  Why then is there so much focus on the "value" of a SAH parent but no talk on the "value" of a working parent.

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world without added pressure being placed on each other by other parents.  As a working mother I have personally experienced negative commentary from SAH parents about my lack of "love" or "care" for my child or that I am selfish for "going to work and leaving someone to take care of my kid."  To those people I say isn't being a parent hard enough itself without trying to tear each other down?  What is best for my household isn't necessarily what is best for the next person and its not fair to push anyone's agenda onto someone else.