Becoming a mother changed me; I became a softer version of
myself. I learned more patience, my
priorities shifted off myself and onto this other person. I learned (okay maybe not learned but am
working on) to not use curse words in my everyday life. I was happy, I felt like I had found my
purpose in life. All the hard work I had put in, all the “right” decisions that I made were all worth it.
Being a mom of two has turned me into a completely different
person, even more different than I was with one. I have learned that both eating and sleeping
are optional activities despite being told otherwise for the majority of my
life. I learned it is possible to hold
two kids, while cooking dinner and cleaning the house. But on a serious note, when I became a mom of
two there was no more time for me. My
focus became entirely on my family. My two
sons and my husband. I crave family time
all the time. During my commute, I think
about activities for the weekend and wish my Monday through Thursday away just
waiting for the weekend to hit and to spend time with my boys.
When I started
blogging I started because I was frustrated with not being able to find a safe
place to discuss my feelings with like-minded people. Now I find myself in a new place, I do not
share a mindset with the SAH mom’s nor do I share a mindset with the career
focused working mothers nor the mothers who work out of necessity. I shared before that my household does not
need me to work that we could make ends meet on one income, however I want to
work. In recent months, however, my
career just hasn’t been as important to me.
Yes, I want to do a good job at work when I am there but I want to
maximize my time at home and minimize my time at work. This is a complete shift from who I was as a
person just a few months ago, let alone a few years ago. I was so career driven, where has that gone.
I question is the shift a result of two children or a result
of the growth of my children? My older
son is aware now. He can (and will)
parrot back anything that you say (yes its gotten me in trouble a few times),
he has his own mind and recently started giving me a full recap of his day
(normally starting with what he had for lunch).
My younger son is 4 months old he’s sitting unassisted and giggling at
me daily. He’s changing before my eyes
and I don’t want to miss any changes or milestones. Its so hard to leave that every morning.
Does this shift have nothing to do with my family and more
with my passion for my career? I recently
made a career switch that was driven by circumstance and not because I was unhappy. However a big motivation for taking this job
was the schedule and location which allow for more time with my children. Which then circles me back to wanting to be
with my kids.
I’ve noticed the same change in my husband as well. While my husband is very focused still on
building his career he also is looking for a shorter commute to increase his “family
time.” He shares in the same “Sunday night
depression” that I find myself falling into every week. He takes vacation days from work just to stay
home with the kids.
I wonder is this just normal family evolution? Is this a
stage that I will grow out of? I still
want to expand my family in the future how will my feelings change then?
